Hey, You Look Like Jesus!

I was straddling my bike with my toes touching the pavement, stopped, waiting for a chance to cross the street. And then came the idiots.

Now, having long hair and a beard has taught me that idiots assume I have marijuana, or can have marijuana with the snap of a finger. I mean that is the case, right? Long hair and bearded face are the prerequisites for marijuana professionalism. Ergo, I am a marijuana professional.

So, anyway, then came the idiots. They pulled up next to me in a beat-up, rumbly Japanese pickup truck and rolled down their window. I heard the window creak down its tracks, the stereo's volume decrease, and the idiotic breath of a group of idiots breathing in a staccato, daffy manner. Really, I could feel the air around me getting stupider. I am convinced that idiot's breath has a profound effect on the molecular make-up of the air we breathe. Careful who you surround yourself with. I slowly turned my head toward the source of idiot-flow and glazed them over. I counted three idiots on this occasion, and I had seen them around town before. I took note that they were idiots the last time I saw them, too. Anyway, I stared at the idiots for a few seconds more then the leader idiot gave me the universal, non-verbal sign for "Do you have any weed?" It's the one where you bring your index finger and thumb close together and pinch the air as if there was a blunt in between them and then bring the formation close to pursed lips, suck in air, and bob your head up and down stupidly.

Leader idiot waited for my response.

I continued staring at them, face stiff, statuesque and dry. And then I smiled. I flashed my teeth. I smiled big and wide. And then I joined in on the idiotic head-bobbing game. I didn't utter a word, not even a sound. Smile. Bob up. Bob down. Smile. Up. Down. Smile. I don't know why I decided to do this, but I did it for probably ten seconds without losing character. They stopped looking so idiotic for a second, and then turned to each other, furled their brows in semi-confusion, and laughed idiotically again. Leader idiot gassed it and off they went. I kept bobbing and smiling until they were well down the street.

Yeah, that's how a real marijuana professional takes care of "business." I feel bad that I didn't have any weed for them, though. I am totally throwing people off. . .